Self Discovery
by Mandy
Summary: Raphael has cancer. What could this mean for the other turtles? The first chapters of this fic are currently under revision.
1. prologue through chapter 3

Self Discovery   
Prologue   


My name is Raphael. There's nothing much to me. I'm a mutant turtle. I've have lived 18 years and I'm going to die. There, I said it blunt and simple. I'm going to die. I didn't feel like it when Donatello told me but now I do. I'm dying of cancer. My chances of living are very little. What made me mad was the fact that I couldn't get treatment for it because I'm a mutant. I'm an outcast to society. I don't know any human that can help me. 

I remember the day Donnie sat down with me and told me there was nothing he could do. He didn't have the resources or the knowledge to save me. He told me that I was probably going to die. Of course he was down toning it for me. The truth is I am going to die. I didn't want to believe him. I was so furious. Now I have to focus on living my life to the fullest. Taking it one day at a time and preparing for that fateful day. 

I went through a lot of changes to deal with dying. Some were terrifying and others made me see life in a different way. It was a way that I had never seen life before. There were days when I was so angry at the world and other days when I felt sorry about myself. Now I feel good about myself. I feel comfortable and I like who I am. I know this is weird to say but dying is the best thing that has ever happened to me. Until you have been through it, will you ever understand what I mean. I feel lucky in way, I know that I'm going to die. I can take care of all the loose ends before it's over. 

"It's over," that's still weird for me to say.   


* * *

Self Discovery   
Chapter 1   


"All right Leo, I'm going to kick your ass." Raph furiously made a move at Leo but he was too quick for him. 

"You should concentrate on fighting me rather than flaunting your meaningless words." Leo made a swift move which Raph was able to block just in time with his sai. 

"I am concentrating. I thinking about when I'm going to beat you." With a quick move Raph moved his sai to try to knock Leo swords out of his hands. Leo was able to block in time and knocked a sai out of Raph's hand. Then he swiftly made his next move and removed Raph's other sai. Raph was so surprised and caught off guard, that he lost his balance and fell backwards. 

"Your lack of concentration was the reason why you lost Raph." Raph lay on the ground feeling frustrated and confused. 

"What the hell happened?" Raph thought to himself. 

Splinter walked up to Raph. "Your fury and lack of concentration have caused you to lose this fight. I suggest you focus on the task at hand." 

Leo came over to Raph and offered his hand. "I can get myself up, Leo." Leo just shrugged his shoulders and left to take a shower. 

Feeling humiliated and mad at himself, Raph finally got up and decided he wanted to be alone. 

* * *

"So what movie, out of are wonderful collection, should we watch guys?" Mike was on his hands and knees looking through their video collection. 

"I don't know Mike, you choose." Mike stopped looking at the videos. 

"Leo, I always choose. Don't give me a cheap answer like that." 

"Well, I really don't have a preference right now." 

"Well can you get back to me when you do? So Donnie, what do you want to watch?" 

Donnie looked up from his laptop. "Huh?" 

Mike sighed. "I asked you what movie do you want to watch." 

"Oh, I don't care, whatever." 

Leo laughed to himself as he watched the frustration on Mike's face. Then Mike smiled and said "Okay, since nobody around here is interested in the democratic process of choosing a movie, I will choose. If you don't like it then that is too bad cause you had your chance." 

Mike looked through the movies some more and finally decided on _Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory._

Before Leo and Don could voice there disagreement, Mike turned around with a smile on his face. "I told you, you had your chance. It's too late now." 

Leo and Don exchanged a look. They shrugged their shoulders and knew there was nothing they could do. Mike popped the tape into the VCR and began the movie. 

* * *

_"I can't believe I let Leo trip me up like that. I don't understand what's been going on with me lately. I've been feeling so tired and weak. I must be getting the flu or something. I remember feeling a little dizzy when Leo made that final blow at me this morning."_

Silhouettes moved stealthily through the shadows of the alley, surrounding the turtle. 

* * *

"You know why I like this movie so much? It's because of all the candy." 

"Yeah, you would." Mike gave Don a look and then looked back at the movie. 

Leo was unusually quiet. "Hey, Leo, are you already falling asleep through the movie?" 

"What Mike?" Leo seemed distant and deep in thought. 

Mike laughed to himself. "I asked you if you had fallen asleep yet. I haven't heard a word from you for awhile now." 

"No, I just have this weird feeling that something is wrong." Don and Mike exchanged worried glances. 

Shivers went through Mike as he heard Leo say those dreaded words. Leo could always sense when trouble was on the horizon. Mike just couldn't shrug it off and just think: _Leo is only worried about nothing._ When Leo said there was trouble, there would, without any doubt, be trouble. 

Don looked over at his brother, Mike, and saw the seriousness of the situation clearly on his face. Don didn't even want to think about the ramifications of what Leo had just said. He hated to fight. He wished they could just live normal lives without having to be involved in all of these battles. He looked over at Leo. There was no indication of his feelings showing. Leo looked calm and collected. 

* * *

Raph was still mad and confused about that morning. It wasn't just that morning that bothered him but it was also his tiredness. He seemed to have lost his edge. He was so distracted that he didn't notice the gang that was surrounding him in the shadows. They were waiting there like a panther watching her pray. They were waiting for the right moment to strike. At the same time they were wondering what the hell this green creature was. 

Usually Raph is good at hiding in the shadows but now his mind was too occupied. He just wasn't alert enough to watch his actions. 

Suddenly, Raph heard a noise. He turned around but saw nothing. 

"_It's probably just my imagination_." After thinking that to himself he slowly became aware of the possibly dangerous situation he was putting himself in. He realized that he was out in the open and that he was in a bad neighborhood. 

Then he heard a noise and felt a sharp pain on the back of his head. 

* * *

There was an uncomfortable silence. The movie was just not enjoyable anymore. Nobody was even watching it. They were deep in there own thoughts. 

Leo knew something was wrong with Raph. It wasn't just the awful feeling that he got but also that Raph wasn't himself. His win that morning was too easy. Raph usually put up quite a fight and even has beaten him on bad days. Raph didn't have as much speed. He even seemed weak. 

Leo looked over at his brothers. They were disturbed by what he told them. He didn't tell them that he believed that Raph could be in some trouble. They didn't know what kind of trouble he meant. 

Leo thought about Raph for awhile and finally broke the silence with a decision. 

"I'm going to find Raph and see if he is in any trouble." 

"We'll go with you." 

"No, you guys stay here just in case he comes back. Besides this is only a feeling." Deep down inside Leo hoped that it was just a feeling. 

* * *

Raph felt dizzy and confused. It took him awhile to perceive what was happening. He had just gotten hit really hard in the head from somebody behind him. 

Raph began to fight them off. It was a hard struggle since the gang had surrounded him. They had circled him. When he attacked one member, he would feel the hard attacks from other members. He was just too out numbered for his condition. 

Even though his whole body felt achy and bruised he continued to fight for his life. Then he felt a sharp distinct pain in his left thigh. He looked down and realized that he had been stabbed in the thigh. Blood began to run down his leg. 

He started to feel dizzy and confused. The battle began to feel like a dream. His motions were slow. He lost consciousness while they continued to beat him. 

* * *

"Mike, I can't watch anymore of this movie." 

"Didn't I tell you that this is the final decision and we have to watch it." 

"That's not it. I'm just too worried. It just feels stupid to be sitting here and watching a movie while something terrible could be happening right now." 

"Well, Leo told us to stay here, maybe it's not that serious. If it was serious then he would have had us go with him. I think he's just worried about Raph." 

"Well, maybe, but I'm just too distracted to be watching a movie now." 

* * *

Raph laid in the alley by himself. This is where Leo found him. 

"Raph, Raph, can you hear me?" There was no answer. 

Leo looked over Raph's body and noticed the blood trickling down his leg. Leo took off his bandanna and applied pressure to the wound. His whole body looked battered. 

He picked Raph up and began to carry him back to the lair. 

* * *

Self Discovery   
Chapter 2

Don and Mike anxiously waited for Leo to come back home. Though they never spoke of it, they both knew of each other's worries. Mike tried to lighten things with with his usual banter. It helped to soften the tension but they both still felt uncomfortable. Even though they were best friends that could talk to each other about anything, they just could not talk about this.

"You know, Donnie, if you really want me to I can change the movie."

"Mikey, I don't care about the movie but thanks anyway.

After sitting there for a few minutes, Don broke the silence.

"I have a bad feeling that Leo was right."

Mike couldn't breathe. He was afraid Don was going to say that. He knew that Don didn't care about the movie anymore. Mike just didn't want to face up to his fears that something was really wrong. He just didn't want to think about it anymore. If he didn't say or think that anything bad was going to happen then it won't happen.

Don knew that Mikey had a hard time thinking about things like this but it was just too much for him to think about alone. Why was this such a big deal anyway? All Leo said was that he had a bad feeling and that it involved Raph. Raph always gets into trouble. Leo was like their big brother. He was always worried about them. It was just Leo's nature to be over protective of them. Leo didn't even feel that it was necessary for them to come. Even these thoughts didn't comfort Don. They didn't explain the bad feeling that he had.

* * *

"Man, I don't remember you being this heavy, Raph." Leo mumbled to himself. 

Leo was slowly making his way back to the lair. He was worried about Raph. Raph has gotten into fixes like this before but this one was different. He could not recall a time when Raph has ever been beaten unconscious by a bunch of thugs. He has been seriously injured by the Foot but never by such amateurs. Either this group was not one to toy with or something was definitely up with Raph. Leo sighed from the exhaustion that these thoughts were giving him and also carrying Raph back to the lair was a lot of work. 

Leo placed Raph down to rest and to make sure that Raph was all right. 

Raph was looking worse. What appeared to be a stab wound continued to bleed on Raph's left thigh. His skin was a pale green and his whole body was battered with bruises. 

"Hang in there Raph. Please don't die on me." Leo softly whispered as he began to cry to himself. He tightened the blood soaked bandana on Raph's thigh. He felt for his pulse. It was a slow and weak pulse. Raph continued to breathe with slow, short breaths. 

"At least he's still breathing and has a pulse. We've had a lot closer calls than that." Leo remembered when Raph was beaten by the Foot on the roof of April's apartment building. He remembered the pain that he felt when he saw a barely alive Raph fall through the sun roof. He felt that it was his fault for what happened to Raph. He and Raph had an argument just before Raph left. It was his fault that he let Raph go. Since he got Raph angry, he wasn't careful. He was vulnerable to the Foot. 

Another memory came to mind. He waited for days for Raph to wake up at April's farmhouse. One day Raph woke up. He hugged him and told him that he loved him. Looking at Raph's beaten body made him wish that they could share another moment like that. 

* * *

"Donnie?" Mike was ready to talk now. He just couldn't keep his feelings inside of him any longer. 

"Yeah, Mikey." Don turned from his computer to look at Mike. He could see that Mike was very worried. He knew that Mike was ready to open up to him now. 

"I'm worried about Raph and Leo. They have been gone too long." A tear rolled down his face. 

"Don't worry, Mike, I'm sure Raph and Leo are fine." Don said quickly to calm down Mike. Don was not comforted by his own words. 

Mike knew that Don was trying to make him feel better. It helped just to hear that everything was all right but it wasn't enough to stop the stream of tears. Don grabbed Mike and hugged him as he cried into his shoulder. 

After doing this for a few minutes, they let go. They sat there for a few minutes just glad to be in each other's company. 

The silence was interrupted by Leo's arrival home. 

"Mike, Don, Splinter, are you there? I need you." Leo called out in desperation. 

Don and Mike quickly gave worried glances and rushed to see what the emergency was. The scene that they saw was not a good one. Leo was gently placing a badly injured Raph on the couch. Leo and Raph were both covered with blood. 

"Oh my God, what happened Leo?" 

"Raph was beaten up by a gang. Don't worry, Raph is still alive." Don quickly came over to Raph to see what damage had been done to him. 

"Mike could you get me my first aid kit please?" Mike quickly left to get the first aid kit along with a few towels. He almost nearly ran into Splinter. 

Splinter could see that something was wrong. Michaelangelo was more careless than usual and he could sense that one of his sons was badly injured. 

"What is wrong Michaelangelo?" 

"Raph is hurt, Master Splinter. He was stabbed." Splinter followed his son into the lair where Raph laid, still unconscious. 

Don hovered over Raph as he checked his pulse and examined his wound. Mike quietly handed the first aid kit and the towels to Don. The wound on Raph's thigh was bleeding fast. Don began to stitch up Raph's thigh. 

Mike handed a towel to Leo so he could wipe off the blood. 

Splinter looked at Raphael. Raphael got in trouble more than his other sons. It was always painful for him to see any of his sons seriously injured. 

Mike quietly watched his brother work frantically to save Raph. He was too in shock to cry. Leo saw Mike's distress and put a hand on his shoulder to support him. 

After successfully stitching up Raphael, Don bandaged up the wound and continually checked Raph's vitals. Don wiped his hands on a towel and knew what the next task was. 

"Raph has lost a lot of blood. Leo, since you and Raph have the same blood type, I'm going to have to draw some blood from you." 

"Okay, Don." Leo said without any hesitation. He was used to giving blood for Raphael. Don left the room to wash his hand and get what he needed for the blood transfusion. 

"All right, which arm do you want me to use." Leo extended his left arm to answer his question. Don inserted the needle into a vein in his arm and began drawing blood. 

After the bag was full, he inserted a needle into Raph and began giving him blood. Raph's color was still a pale green but he seemed to be improving slightly. Don did everything that he could do for Raph. It was now time to wait for Raph to wake up. 

"Donatello, perhaps it is time for you to rest now." Splinter was concerned for Donatello. He had been working hard on Raphael for several hours and didn't really have much rest. 

"Don't worry Master, I'll be all right." Splinter gave him a stern look. Don knew that he couldn't argue with him and left the room to get some rest. 

"Leo, you have given a lot of blood today. I want you to get something to eat and then rest." Leo seeing that Splinter was not one to disagree with, went to the kitchen. 

Splinter looked sadly towards Raphael. Even though the scene looked grim, he knew that Raphael was going to be all right. 

* * *

Mike walked into the kitchen to check on Leo. Leo was sitting at the table drinking some coffee. 

"Hey, Leo weren't you supposed to get something to eat?" 

"Yeah, but I'm not really hungry." 

"Well, I'm going to have to fix that." Mike got up from the table and stood there for second. He was trying to think of something to give Leo. He walked over to the cookie jar and pulled out a cookie. Then he went to the fridge and pulled out some apple juice. He pored Leo a glass. 

"There Leo, that's what people usually get when they donate blood." Mike said with a smile on his face. It was good to finally see Mike smile again. 

"Uhh, thanks Mikey." Leo took the cookie and juice from Mike and managed to take a small bite. He couldn't help but to smile back at Mike. 

They sat there for a few minutes as Leo finished his meal. 

"How are you feeling now, Leo?" 

"Better." Mike noticed how tired Leo was. He certainly had been through a lot today. 

"I think you better get some rest Leo cause you look tired." 

"I suppose I should." Leo slowly got up and left the kitchen. 

Mike sat in the kitchen by himself for a few minutes. He was still trying to get over the events that occurred that day. 

"_How could an ordinary day turn into this?_" 

* * *

Leo walked into the Den from the kitchen and checked on Raph. Splinter was sitting by Raphael. 

"How is he?" 

"Stable. I'm sure he'll be all right, Leonardo. Now I think it's best if you rest now." 

"All right, Master." Leo wanted to discuss his concerns about Raphael but decided it could wait. He got up and left the room. 

Splinter laid a hand on Raphael's forehead. A tear rolled down his cheek. 

* * *

_Raphael was in a laboratory. He was restrained on what looked to be an operating table. Raph struggled to get out of the restraints but couldn't get loose. After awhile he gave up and laid there trying to think of a way to escape. There was nobody in the room. He could here the light buzz of machinery._

_"Well, you have finally awaken, experiment # 231."_

_"Who are you and what do you want from me?"_

_"I'm a scientist that works here in this lab. We captured you so we could study you. You are quite an interesting specimen."_

_"Well, I don't want to be studied." Raphael struggled to get out of his restraints again._

_"It's no use, you will never be able to break free." The scientist was looking at some papers on a clip board and began writing some notes. He frowned as he looked at one of the papers._

_"This his not good." he said shaking his head._

_"What's not good?"_

_"Your test results. It appears that you don't have much time to live."_

_"WHAT?! What are you talking about?"_

_"It appears that you are very sick."_

_"Sick? I feel just fine."_

_"Well, you may feel all right but you are sick. You don't have much time left to live. Damn. That isn't enough time to study and conduct tests on you. Just when we finally catch a humanoid turtle, he has to be sick." Raphael began to struggle again._

_"Well, I better give you something to calm down now since you just can't relax." He took a needle in injected something into Raphael's arm. This caused Raphael to struggle more._

_"What in the fuck did you just inject me with?"_

_"Oh, it's just something to let you sleep for awhile." the scientist said calmly._

_Raphael began to feel the effects of the serum._ _The room went black._

_At that moment he woke up. Sweat was poring down his face. He sat up in his bed breathing hard._

_"It was just a dream." Raph mumbled to himself._

_He got out of bed and decided to take a shower. He did not want to think about that strange dream anymore. What did it mean?_

_Raph walked into the bathroom and looked at himself in the mirror. He looked terrible. It seemed like the more he looked at himself the worse his appearance got. His image was morphing. His skin got pale and he began looking weaker. Raphael let out a scream as he smashed the mirror with his fist. The glass shattered to the floor. He must of got cut by one of the shards of glass because his thigh began to hurt. He looked down at it as it bled._

* * *

Self Discovery   
Chapter 3

Splinter kept a vigil by Raphael all night long. Even though he was tired he stayed alert to ensure Raphael's survival through the many hours of unconscious. About 4 in the morning, Splinter noticed a change in Raphael. Raphael moved a little. He groaned softly as he started to come into consciousness. Splinter felt relief stream through his body.

Raphael opened his eyes a crack and saw the caring eyes of Splinter looking down on him.

"What's going on, master?" Raphael mumbled.

"You were seriously injured, Raphael. You need to get some rest."

"What?" Raphael said with confusion.

"I suppose I better get Donatello up so he can make sure you're all right. I'll be right back."

Splinter rose from Raphael's side and walked in the direction of Donatello's room when he was stopped by Leonardo. Leonardo looked at Splinter then towards the Den.

"Master Splinter, I heard some noise, is Raph okay?"

Splinter gave him a concerned look. Leonardo looked exhausted. "Haven't you been sleeping?"

"I tried but I just couldn't stop thinking about Raph." Splinter placed his hand on Leo's shoulder.

"He just woke up. I'm sure he'll be all right now."

"Oh, good." Leo said with a sigh of relief. Even though he was relieved that Raph was all right he still felt that something was wrong. The way that Raph had been acting lately bothered him.

Splinter could sense that Leonardo was concerned about something but now was not a good time to discuss it.

"Leonardo, why don't you keep Raphael company while I get Donatello."

"Yes, Master Splinter." Leo walked into the Den and knelt down by Raph's side.

"Raph, are you all right?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine Leo."

"Do you remember what happened?"

"Leo, nothing happened. Okay." Raphael was frustrated because he had no idea what anybody was talking about. He became aware of a pain on his thigh and noticed a large bandage on it. Leo noticed Raph eying the bandage.

"Well then, how did you get that?" Raphael looked at it and could vaguely remember getting stabbed but an image of a broken mirror was more clear in his head.

"I cut myself from the glass of the mirror in the bathroom, Leo. I don't really want to talk about it." Leo looked strangely at his brother. Why did Raph think that a mirror cut him?

Just then Splinter came back into the room followed by Michaelangelo and Donatello.

"Hey, Raph. You're finally up" Mikey said with a smile on his face.

"I better take a look at you."

"Donnie, I'm fine, okay. I just cut myself on some glass."

"Um... Raph that wound looked more like the work of a knife." Don sat down next to Raph.

"I would know if I was stabbed, Don" Raphael said grumpily. Don looked slightly confused.

"Could you tell me what happened to you, Raph?"

"There's not much to it. I smashed a mirror and the glass cut my thigh. It's not a big deal."

"Hmm..." Don said as he examined his wound to make sure it had stopped bleeding.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Raph said angrily. Don looked up.

"Ummm... nothing, Raph. Just relax."

"How can I relax when everybody keeps overacting over a stupid cut?"

"I think you should rest, Raph. If you want, I could give you something to ease the pain of the cut."

"I don't need anything for a stupid little cut. I wish you guys would stop babying me."

"All right, Raph. Just get some sleep, okay?" Don ushered everybody out of the room.

"Goodnight, Raph" Mikey said.

"What's wrong with him, Don? Why can't he remember anything?" Leo asked with concern.

"He probably can't remember what happened because it was a stressful situation for him and he was knocked out unconscious for quite some time. I think he's just trying to make an excuse to explain everything. He just needs some rest to clear his mind so we can help him understand what happened."

"Will he ever remember?" Mike said in a small voice.

"It might come back to him but he probably won't remember all the details. It'll just be pieces of the puzzle."

"I will watch him tonight. I want the rest of you to go back to bed now. I will wake you up if anything happens."

"Yes, Master Splinter." None of them really wanted to go to bed but they knew that Splinter was not one to disagree with.

Splinter shook his head at them. They worried him sometimes.

"Goodnight, my sons. Please get some rest." he said as the three brothers walked towards their rooms. Splinter went back to Raphael's side. He had already fallen asleep.

Splinter looked at Raph. Raph had a peaceful look on his face. Splinter sighed to himself.

"You just have to be my most difficult son, don't you?" Splinter whispered as he rubbed his hand on Raph's forehead.

* * *

Two weeks passed since Raph's injury. He was doing much better but not as well as he should've. He still couldn't remember what happened to him and his bruises weren't healing very well. Leo still felt worried about Raph. Even though Raphael appeared to be getting better, Leo could sense that he was getting worse in another way. 

"Master Splinter, I'm worried about Raphael. I know that he's getting better but I think something's wrong." 

"I have sensed this too, my son. I can sense that Raphael is not well." 

"What do you think is wrong with him?" 

"That, I don't know but we must watch over him to make sure he is okay." 

"I just wish I could figure out what's wrong with him, Master. I think I'm going to talk to Donatello and Michaelangelo and see what they think." 

Donatello and Michaelangelo were in the living room watching TV. They didn't even notice Leo walk in. 

"Where's Raphael?" 

"I don't know" Mikey said half listening. 

"You know, Raphael is hardly ever around anymore" Leo said with concern. 

"That's not unusual for Raph" said Don. 

"I know that he's gone a lot but not this much. I hardly ever see him anymore. I'm worried about him." 

"Dude, you're always worried." 

"No, I'm not." Leo said defensively. He thought about this for a minute. 

"Okay, so I get worried a lot but aren't my concerns always right?" 

"Well, sometimes they have just cause but other times you're worried over nothing and I think today is one of those days." 

"Well, I don't, guys. I truly do believe that there is something going on with Raphael and I intend to find out." 

"Raphael's had a hard week. His behavior is understandable. Just give him some time Leo" Don said. Leo sighed in frustration and walked out of the lair. 

"He's on a mission." Mikey said to Don. Don worriedly looked towards the exit. Why was Leo so worried about Raph? Was there something that he was missing. His thoughts were interrupted by Mikey laughing at something on TV. 

* * *

Raphael walked along the shadows of the alley. Even after two weeks, he still didn't know what happened. His life just seemed to be so strange. He couldn't understand it anymore. Leo told him that he had been attacked by a gang and stabbed in the thigh. Michaelangelo told him that the night he woke up, he told everybody that he cut it with a shard of glass. He didn't remember any of this. 

His body still ached all over from cuts and bruises. His thigh was slowly on the mend but still hurt quite a bit. Don told him that he should try not to over strain himself by walking around too much. He should only walk so much a day. Despite the advice and the pain from his thigh, he continued to wonder around, trying to put the pieces back together. He wanted to figure everything out so badly. 

* * *

Leonardo walked in the sewers for about an hour trying to clear his mind. Why were Don and Mike so skeptical of him? Maybe they were right. 

"I tend to worry too much over nothing. I mean, Raph is recovering from an injury, of course he's not going to be himself. He can't even remember what happened." Leo stopped walking for a second. 

"Why am I talking to myself?" 

"Cause you're worried and nobody else will listen except Splinter." he said to himself. 

"Hmmm...that's true." 

Leonardo returned to the lair after clearing his mind from the walk. 

* * *

Raphael returned to the lair early the next morning. He was tired from staying up all night. 

Leonardo was sitting in the kitchen. 

"What are you doing up so early, Leo." 

"Thinking." 

"Well, I guess that makes the two of us." Leo looked up at Raph in shock. He just thought that Raph would say something like "Not practicing, ninja geek?." 

Raphael noticed a pot of coffee that Leo had brewed. He took a cup and pored himself some. 

"Normally, I don't drink the stuff but I could really use it right now." 

"Oh." Leo wasn't sure what to say to Raph. A brief silence followed. 

"How's that wound of yours healing?" 

"Fine, Leo." Raph said in a gruff voice. 

"I was just wondering." Leo said quietly and looked down at his cup. Raphael looked like he wanted to say something but didn't. 

They sat there in an uncomfortable silence that seemed to last an eternity until Raph finally spoke. 

"Leo, I wish I could understand my life. I can't remember anything that happened when I got attacked. I don't even feel like myself anymore." Leo looked at Raphael with surprise. He's never this open. Raphael looked away from Leo. He got up and left the room. At that point, Leo knew that there was something wrong with Raphael. 

* * *

The next day, Donatello decided he'd better check on Raphael's injuries to make sure they were healing right. 

"I don't think this is really necessary, Don. I feel fine." 

"Well, I have to check them. I also need to make sure that the cut in your thigh is healing like it should after I took the stitches out last week." Don removed the bandages and examined the wound. 

"It seems to be doing all right. Just remember to not strain it too much so the skin won't rip open." 

"Yeah, Yeah, Donnie. I'll be careful. Can I go now?" Donatello looked at Raphael. His skin was a little pale and the bruises didn't seem to be healing very fast. 

"Raph, are you feeling okay because you don't exactly look so good." 

"What, Donnie? I feel as good as somebody who has been stabbed can feel." 

"There just doesn't seem to be something right here." Don rubbed his hand on his chin as he was thinking. Maybe Leo was right. Something was wrong. 

"I think I better do a blood test to make sure you're okay." Don finally said. 

"Don, I don't need you to be sticking a needle in me. I'm fine." 

"I really do think that I need to get some blood from you Raphael. It won't take very long." 

"Okay" Raphael grumbled as he extended his arm. He hated needles. Donatello drew some blood and labeled the vial. 

"There that wasn't so bad." 

"Well, you weren't the one getting a needle stuck in your arm." Donatello gave Raph an amused look. 

"Well, you're free to go now." 

"Good. I don't particularly enjoy being pricked and prodded." 

"I'm sure there are many that would agree with you but it has to be done." 

"Well, I don't think it does." Raphael got up and left Don's lab. 

Don was left to himself to ponder over Raphael's condition. He had a bad feeling about all of this. Raphael was still sick in some sort of way. He looked at the vile in his hand. 

"I hope this blood gives me an insight on what's going on." Don had a feeling about what was ailing Raph but didn't want to think about it. It seemed too terrible to think about. 

"Insight on what?" Leo asked. Leo stood in the doorway. Don turned around in shock and looked at Leo. Leo gave Don a concerned look. 

"Is there something wrong with Raphael?" 

Don looked down at his feet and took a deep breathe. His stomach churned at the thought. 

* * *

**_Chapter 4 coming soon!_**


	2. chapter 4

**Self Discovery** **Chapter 4**   
_by Mandy_

Author's notes: Hi all! It's been awhile since the last time I posted a chapter to this story. Okay, try, a few years. *bows down hoping for forgiveness*. Gomen nasai minne-san! Sessha (this unworthy one) will try to get writing on this fic more, it's just that sessha had such a horrible writers block. I'm a terrible writer and there are a lot of things this fic is lacking. Like for instance: well written fight scenes. *puts her head down in shame* Action scenes are not something sessha is good at writing. I prefer writing interactions between characters. I appreciate all of the reviews (I know I don't have as big an audience as others but I'll take what little readers I can get). It's really helped me along in wanting to continue writing this fic so I really do appreciate it. Domo arigato gazumasu!. I also have to mention that not being a medical expert, I may get some things wrong so just pretend that I'm all knowing and it's the truth in this fic. I am a biology major but it's a secondary major and I'm not a medical student so I've tried my best here in describing things. Just so people know, this is a cross between the movie/mirage universe, a little influence from the new show and of course my imaginary universe. Anyway, on to the chapter, I hope everybody enjoys it!  


Before we proceed with the next chapter, I'm sure you all probably have forgotten what has happened so far and probably don't want to go back and read it again. So now I present you with a little omake theatre. Otanoshimini! (Please enjoy)  


Prologue:  


Raph: Yeah, I got cancer. Hey, wait! what kind of way is that to start a fic? It's pretty obvious by just reading the description!  
Mandy: Yeah, I know. I'm just weird. I thought maybe the Raph fans would like it if you would personally talk to them because I know how much you hate being that serious and straight forward.  
Raph: Whatever!!  
Mandy: See what I mean. :)  
Raph: *brooding*  
Mandy: Hey it could be worse, I could be pestering you about your sais. (see my poem: Raph's Girls)  
Raph: Right.  


Chapter 1-3  
(streets)  


Raph: Hi gang, want to beat me up?  
Gang: Yeah, okay. *makes a nice little round circle around Raph* Knives are fun, especially stabbing people.  
Raph: Ow, it's not nice to pick on a sick turtle.  


(lair)  


Leo: Raph is in trouble!   
Don and Mike: You always say that!  
Willy Wonka: Hey stop worrying about Raph and watch me give spoiled brats what they deserve.  
Mike: I want candy! *whines*  
Don: Please get me out of this fic! I can't stand the torture anymore.  
Leo: There's a cat in a tree, I must hurry off. *Leo runs off*  
Don: Does Leo's sixth sense about danger ever bother you?  
Mike: Nah. Leave me alone, I'm in denial.  


(sesami street)  


Raph: *laying on the ground unconscious* I want some sprite.  


(lair)  


Splinter: Hi, I get to make an appearance in this fic.  
Don: *runs around chasing Leo with a spork* Come on, it's fun! Everybody's doing it. Don't you want to get your blood taken and put in Raph's body!   
Leo: Is that spork even sterile?  
Don: Well sure it is, I only used it to eat ramen then dig a grave for Raph.  
Leo: Oh, okay. Is this gonna hurt?  
Don: Like hell it will. *jabs Leo with the spork*  
Raph: *is dreaming about being in a porn film and getting discected by a hot scientist and then he looks in the mirror and it shatters from Raph's looks*  
Washing machine: *grumbles* Can't these turtles ever have normally soiled towels. Bleh, I hate blood stained towels.  
Raph: *wakes up and mumbles* Stupid mirror, what do you know.  
Raph fans: Yeah!! what do you know, you stupid mirror. Raph is just the hottest piece of...  
Mandy: *censors the last twenty pages of that rant for her own sanity*  
Leo: *blood gushes out of his arm* Isn't that bad?  
Don: Nah. Raph can't lose blood, but you can.  


Time has passed (days, weeks, months??? who knows...):  


Leo: *sitting there with blood gushing out of his arm* I'm worried about Raph.  
Mike: Leo, do you have to do that at the table?  
Leo: Sorry. *leaves*  
Mike: Thank God, I'm so sick of him sitting down then worrying over Raph, it's so annoying.  


(lab)  


Don: *stabs Raph with a spork* okay, you're all done now. Go out and blow some steam off. See you in chapter 5.  
Leo: *takes his worrying to Don's lab.  
Don: Uh oh...  
Leo: What are you hiding Don?  
Don: Gah, Leo you scared me. Nothing..nothing at all.  
Leo: You're hiding something.  
Don: Okay, ummm, I don't know how to say this but ummm...Raph is 77.63333% clown.  
Raph: *walks in with a white painted face, wig, red nose, and wearing a polka dot outfit* Whoops, I forgot my spray bottle.  
Leo: *faints from the shock, not the blood loss*  


*all the characters take a bow*  
That's it for the omake theatre for now. Now it's on to the real stuff. Stayed tuned for chapter 5 for the next installment.  


* * *

"Well Don?" Leo asked like a parent trying to get an answer out of a child. 

"Well, what?" Don wished Leo would leave him alone. He hated this stern, bigger brother side of Leo. It was annoying. 

"You know what I mean. Look Don, if you know something about Raph...about why he's been acting so strangely, you should tell me." 

Don looked down at his hands. "I don't know anything Leo" Don softly answered.  


"Fine. Be that way." Leo sighed and walked off feeling defeated, something rare for him to experience. Don let out a sigh of relief. Leo's been nothing but a pain in the butt lately. _I can't believe he gave up that easily._

He got out a tattered up book that some college kid probably threw out and turned it to a page about Leukemia. He wanted to learn all that could be known and be certain if his theory was correct. For once he hoped that he was wrong. 

Some of the symptoms in the book seemed to fit Raphael such as his tiredness and the length of time it was taking Raph to heal from his injuries but he wouldn't know for sure until the blood was tested. The results he was looking for and hoping not to find was the white blood cell count, red blood cell count, and platlets.   


Using a pippette that he had stolen from a hospital, he extracted a small sample and transferred it onto a slide. Using another slide, he moved the blood across the slide in what is called "feathering" to make a smear. After smearing a few slides with Raph's blood and his own blood, Don got out a couple of stains, which he used to stain the sample and did what is called a Wright stain (stains the granules found in some types of white blood cells) in order for the cells to be visible under the microscope. His test wasn't a very good one but from the equipment that he had available; it was the best that could be done. He could only get a hold of easy to steal, small equipment. He wished that he had the equipment that's available in hospitals, ones available to humans. This was the life for a mutant. Spending most of his life cowering in the sewers, only to come to surface for food and supplies. He hated to steal from people and he hated creeping around in the night. He wished to be human and live life freely like so many people took for granted. It just wasn't fair that just because he looked different, he could never be accepted in society. He was forever trapped in this dark, musty sewer for life, which felt like eternity. He dreaded the thought that Raphael could have cancer because it would be a hopeless case. And why? Because they are forever enclosed here in their own little world to not only die alone but for the species to die as well. Maybe it was just as well. Don wouldn't wish this torture upon anybody. 

After finishing the preparation of the slides, Don examined each of them under a microscope. He compared what he was looking at to the pictures in a college lab book. After identifying what each type of white blood cell looked like, the red blood cells, and the platelets, he was able to get a rough idea of how abundant each cell type was. The site that he saw after comparing his blood to Raph's scared him. First of all there were a lot more white blood cells which indicated that there was something wrong. Second of all, the number of red blood cells and platlets were less and harder to find than in his sample. He looked through several several slides to make certain that his observations were correct. He placed his hands over his eyes and took a slow deep breathe. He tried to figure out what this all meant. Maybe he just had a bad sample from Raph. Plus this sort of testing was not reliable at all. He couldn't be really sure what was going on. Despite Don's objections, he still felt uneasy. Even though he could be sure, he knew that Raph had cancer. It was the only explanation he could come up with that fit the puzzle pieces together. Now the question was: "Where do we go from here?" 

* * *

Mike sat on the floor teasing Klunk with a string. The gray tabby chased after it with a glint of mischief in his wide eyes. Klunk heard someone approach and looked up at the doorway, ignoring the string. Leo appeared and just stood there, arms crossed. It looked as if he were staring at Mike and Klunk. 

"You should see him play with his catnip mouse." Mike joked. Leo just stood there staring, not at Mike, but somewhere in his own world. Mike got up and waved his hand in front of Leo's face. 

"Hello?? Earth to Leo? Fearless leader?" Leo seemed to come out of his reverie and mumbled something about Don then grunted a "hello" to Mike. Then he turned around and left the room. 

"Ummm…okay..bye Raph..I mean Leo. Somebody woke up on the wrong side of the bed…sheesh." Mike looked down at Klunk who rubbed up against him. Mike petted the purring kitty. 

"Well at least some of us are in a good mood." Mike said to Klunk. Mike decided to stand up. 

"Well I suppose I could go give you a treat since you're such a good kitty." Mike walked into the kitchen; Klunk followed. 

Mike looked into the cabinet and found a can of tuna. He opened it with the can opener and squeezed out the juice into a bowl for Klunk. Klunk meowed loudly, begging for the yummy treat. Mike placed the bowl on the floor for the kitty, whom began drinking the juice and purring. 

"I guess I should make some lunch too even though some turtles have been bad." Mike told the cat as he got some mayonnaise out of the fridge. 

* * *

Don sat at his computer, nervously working on some code, trying to keep his mind off of Raph. It wasn't working. _"What should I do? How am I going to tell Raph? What if I'm wrong? Duh! If I'm wrong then there is nothing to worry about. Gah, but how can I be sure? Perhaps I should take a trip to the library. Geez, I already feel paranoid and now I want to actually venture out into the human world? Hmm…well perhaps it'll be easier for me to hide myself from people there and Leo. He knows something is up which doesn't make this any easier for me. I need time to figure things out and without Leo looking over my shoulder. He certainly doesn't give me much space to think."_   
Don sat back and stopped typing. He noticed how messed up it was. Writing code was usually something he could do in his sleep. He bit on his finger and tried to concentrate on correcting all his mistakes, hands quivering. 

  
"Hey Don, it's lunch time now." Mike said in the doorway. Don didn't answer. He was too deep in thought to notice Mike there. 

  
"Yo? You there? Don?" Don jumped in surprise and looked up at Mike. 

  
"Huh?" was all Don could say. 

  
"I said lunch is ready. You okay?" 

  
"Yeah, yeah…I'm fine." Don stuttered back then followed Mike into the kitchen. Leo was already sitting at the table, waiting for everybody else. 

  
"I made tuna sandwiches for lunch. Too bad Raph isn't around to enjoy any. Probably out playing with his bike." Don cringed at the mention of Raph. 

  
"Speaking of Raph…" Leo began as he stared directly at Don, "Why did you need to do a blood test on Raph this morning and what for?" 

  
Mike noticed how nervous Don got and that nobody was eating anything. He decided he should help his bro, Donnie, out it bit since Leo can be a little annoying at time. 

  
"Ack Leo…do you have to talk about blood at the table? Besides isn't that Raph's business? Give the genius a break and let him eat his lunch." Don gave Mike a thankful look. Then the three brothers ate together in silence. Don wondered if this was what it would be like if Raph really does go, just sitting uncomfortably with his remaining two brothers. It was weird to see Mike stand up to Leo, that was Raph's job. 

  
Don got up to leave, after finishing his sandwich and left as fast as he could before Leo said anything else to him. Things just seemed to be getting worse. Now Leo was probably more suspicious than before and Mike probably noticed something was up.  


* * *

Leo had left right after Don had run off. Mike was left to clean up which he didn't really mind. It gave him a chance to figure out things in his head. He wanted to know why Leo was so edgy and distant and why Don was so nervous especially around Leo. Klunk rubbed up against Mike's leg, as if comforting him. Mike knelt down to pet Klunk.   


  
"You're such a good kitty. That's what I can do to help, I can help comfort. Leo doesn't seem to want to be found but maybe I can find out what's wrong with Don." Klunk meowed in response as if agreeing with Mike then ran off friskly to attack a dustbunny under the kitchen table. Mike slowly lifted himself up again and made his way to Don's lab.   


  
He peeked into the room to see Don leaned back in his chair, staring at the ceiling, and twirling a pencil in his hand.  


  
"Hey, Donnie, what's up?" Mike asked softly. Don stopped twirling the pencil.  


  
"Nothing." Don answered back in barely a whisper. He didn't even look at Mike.  


  
"Hmmm...I never knew the ceiling could be so interesting." Mike commented.  


  
"Hmmm." was all Don could said, sounding distracted. Mike didn't know what else to say to Don. Don looked like he was somewhere else. Finally, Don moved his gaze from the ceiling to Mike.  


  
"I don't know what to do, Mikey." Don looked away from his brother and looked down at his hands. Don looked so distraught.  


  
"What do you mean?" Mike asked.  


  
"I know there's something wrong but I don't know what to do about it. Leo senses it too."  


  
"Is that why Leo's been so moody lately and why you two don't seem to be getting along?"  


  
"Well..." Don leaned back in his chair and looked at the ceiling as in deep thought again. "You see, Leo knows something is wrong but he feels helpless. Leo takes it upon himself to look after us like a big brother, which I have to admit is a little too overbearing for me. He knows that I know something about it. He wants to know so that he can protect us. Right now though, it's not helping things. I'm not ready to tell him or anybody yet. I just need some time to think. I know Leo's mad at me because he sees me as getting in the way of doing what he thinks as his duty. That's why there's so much tension between us right now."  


  
"Does this have anything to do with Raph?"  


  
Don looked down at his hands then looked up at Mike. "Yes, it does have to do with Raph. I also want to talk to Raph before I talk to anybody else, that is if I can find the courage to do so. It's not an easy thing to tell somebody and I don't think Raph will take it well."  


  
"I see. Well, if you want to talk or a shoulder to lean on then let me know Don. You shouldn't go through this alone." Don gave Mike a small smile and nodded.  


  
"Thanks, Mike." Mike smiled back at Don.  


  
"Oh, I almost forgot! I'll be right back." Mike went back into the kitchen to grab something. Don sat there just shaking his head. I don't know what I would do without you Mikey. Mike reentered the lab with a huge grin on his face.   


  
"I have something to give you." Mike grabbed Don's hand and slapped the back of it. Don turned his hand so he was facing it to see what Mike had done. It was a little, yellow smiley face sticker. Don gave Mike a puzzled look which made Mikey grin even more.  


  
"There now you'll always have a part of me with you whereever you go. Whenever you look at this sticker, you know that I'm there to support you." Don looked down at the sticker and smiled. He sighed and decided it was time to go. 

  
"Mike, you certainly are the weird one." Don paused in thought then threw some books in a bag. Mike watched Don packing, wondering where he was off to. Don slung that bag over his shoulder then walked past Mike. Don stopped and turned around.  


  
"What kind of drugs are you on, anyway?" Don asked.  


  
"The sweet kind, and no you can't have any" Don turned around on his way to his room.  


  
"You know, on second though I don't even want to know." Mike smiled. Don was back to his old self again. He followed Don to his room and watch him pull out some big clothing out of the closet.  


  
"So, where are you off to?" Don dressed then slung the bag over his shoulder again.  


  
"I'm going to the library in hopes of finding out more information. I'll be back later." Don walked towards the door then turned around. "Oh, I know I said this before but thanks, Mikey. I know I wasn't very informative but you really did help me out." Mike watched Don leave and heard a familiar meow by his foot. Mike knelt down and pet the kitty.  


  
"Thanks, Klunk. Your advice worked. Things seem to be a bit better now." Little did Mike know, it was only the calm before the storm.  


* * *

And that's it for chapter 4! I know, it was a bit short but I got a little stuck near the end and besides, I thought maybe you people would like a chapter sooner than later. I'll try really hard to get chapters out faster and not worry so much about perfection. Let's face it, with my writing skills, perfection will never be reached. I apologize to all you Raph fans, there was no Raph in this chapter but don't worry, he'll be back in chapter 5. If you want, you can review and let me know what you think and if you have any questions or suggestions.  
  
Sayonara!  
  



	3. chapter 5

Self Discovery  
Chapter 5  
by Mandy

Author's Note: Yay! Another chapter is here and so fast too. Can you believe that it took me less than 3 years this time to update? throws confetti Sorry, I couldn't update sooner but I have other little story ideas running around in my head plus the fact that I had all this other stuff to write for school..bleh! Now school is done so I have some time to write. Unfortunately for me, the real world sucks so I have to spend part of my time trying to find a better job. Thanks to the few that cared enough to review, it encourages me enough to continue even though I think my writing sucks. So if you want to see me continue then please continue reviewing. Arigato gazumasu minne-san!  
Next up, of course, is some omake :)

Chapter 4:  
Leo: Ack! Raphael is a clown! There are just some things I really don't want to know.  
Don: So any ways, in order to support Raph, I got tickets to the circus and we can be there to see Raph perform.  
Leo: backs out of the room and decides to mind his own business

Later, lunch time.

Children are running around the lair and Raph is the center of attention in is clown outfit  
Leo: What is going on here?  
Mike: Well Raph said he couldn't eat lunch with us because he had a birthday party to entertain so I told him to bring it here, isn't that great?  
Leo: Ahhhhhhh! Leo runs out of the room

Later Don and Mike are talking in Don's lab.  
Mike: So what have you been up to?  
Don: Oh, nothing.  
Mike: Hmmm..where did Leo go and why does he keep chanting "Can't meditate, clowns will eat me"?  
Don: shrugs who knows.  
Leo: walks in Hey guys, I'm glad to see things are finally getting back to order around here...Ack! runs off  
Don and Mike look at each other confused with clown noses on their beaks (A/N: I wonder how they got them on there..hehe)  
Don: Wonder what got into him?  
Mike starts freaking out  
Don: Huh? What's wrong.  
Mike points behind Don  
Don turns around and they both run off  
A big Walmart smiley face is behind them  
Mandy runs off because Walmart is scary and evil  
Before the omake ends, she also grabs Klunk because she loves kitties and has been dying to kidnap him since chapter 4

All of the characters bow  
Mandy ponders the thought: Does anybody even read these?

Yeah, that was more weird then funny but, oh well. On with Chapter 5!

* * *

Raphael had been riding his bike and trying to keep annoying thoughts out of his head. For example, the question of why he felt so sick kept being raised. He felt more tired and weak lately like when you have the flu but it was a constant condition for him. It was frustrating for him to feel this way. He found it disturbing that Don wanted his blood sample. Raph didn't claim to be an expert on the matter but it bugged him. Why would he need one unless there was something wrong with him? Getting seriously sick was something that never happened to you, just people on TV. Then again he was a mutant turtle and that sort of thing doesn't happen to people everyday. Leo of course hadn't been helping matters, one bit. That turtle was really starting to piss him off. Sure those two didn't get along about 70 of the time because of their big differences in approaching situations and plus the fact that bossiness was a trait Raph couldn't stand in anybody else except himself but Leo was more aggravating to him than usual. Leo couldn't just mind his own damn business. The rush of the air and the thrill of riding his bike temporarily blew those thoughts away. One couldn't understand the great therapy that the dangerous excitement of riding a motorcycle could give unless they really had experienced it for themselves.

* * *

Usually for Don, the library was his favorite place to be. It was so quiet at the library and there was so much information in near proximity to him. Sure the Internet had opened up new gateways to quick information but the library held good data. The library was the place to be to get accurate and more detailed description of whatever it is that you wanted to learn more about, something that as vast and reaching as the internet was, could not provide. Unfortunately for Don, today the usual excitement that accompanied doing a search on the library computer for books and articles for his dreaded topic of interest was absent. He felt not a tingle of nervous glee but instead he was nervous with fear. He didn't want anything to be wrong with his brother. All he really wished for was that all this was over nothing and he could feel stupid. This was the first time in his life that he ever wanted to feel like a complete idiot. Sure he has wanted to feel average before but not stupid. There a first time for everything and there were a lot of emotions he was experiencing at the library for the very first time today.

After Don had enough sources, he skimmed through and printed some articles, found some books, and made copies of other articles on the copy machine. Everything was collected and now it was time to read through and make note of any important findings. This was the beginning of a journal that Don would put together to track everything from the information that he discovered, through Raph's progress, and the inevitable. Years later this journal would be read by nobody else and washed away in the floods of the sewers, only to fade away along with their existence.

* * *

Later that night, Don had finally returned home with a grim look. His movements were slow and weary. He had stayed at the library until they kicked him out and still he wanted to be alone. He had spent some time on the roof of a nearby building. His body had been chilled to the bone but the numbness was of no concern to him. The ragged bag that held such depressing thoughts was dropped to the floor without another thought. The secrets they held were just between Don and the stars. No one knew the gravity of the situation; all that they did know was that something had broken the equilibrium of the universe. Don felt like he was the only one that knew the world would be destroyed and was the only one who had any chance of saving it. The very thought scared him. He didn't want to be the smart one and didn't want to be the one to worry about these sorts of things. The weight of the world was weighing heavily on him and sleep was not an option in the dark and quiet lair. Everybody else had probably gone to bed by now, how lonely that felt. Don sat down at his computer, rubbed his temples, and felt guilt over the fact that he would have to steal some very expensive chemicals.

* * *

The night was quiet and lonely, even in the big city of New York. Riding around just made Raph feel lonely and when he was sure enough that he was out late enough, he decided that home was his next destination. After all, he was exhausted for that stupid unknown reason. Raph quietly snuck into the lab and was ready to hit the hay. He would have gone straight to bed if it weren't for a light that crept out of the cracks of Don's door. So Don also couldn't sleep. Raph was not one to confront these sorts of issues head on. His style was to avoid it with anger. He didn't know what had possessed him that night but he decided to have a chat of sorts with his brother. He knocked on the door and a quiet voice allowed him entrance after a few seconds. Don wasn't shocked and he wasn't going to hide anything anymore. He was ready to explain to Raph what he had been up to as of late. All the books and articles scattered about was nothing out of the ordinary. But that sullen look etched on Don's face was something that Raph would never forget.

"So, are you up late too, stick boy?" Raph asked.

"Yeah, I had too much on my mind. There are things more important than sleep." Don stated with no emotion behind those words.

Before Raph could stop himself, he asked the question that had been torturing his mind. "Why did you need my blood, Don? Is there something wrong with me?"

Don avoided eye contact with Raph. He never noticed how interesting the floor could be. He found the words he wanted to say lost in that moment. All he could do was nod. Raph felt the anger start to rise. He wanted a better answer than that. "So what the hell his wrong with me?" Raph snapped.

Don found the courage to look Raph in the face. "Raph, you...you have cancer." Don quietly answered looking down again, his hands restlessly fiddling.

"That's a lie! I'm just fine! I'm not going to die!" Don turned away from Raph to look at something on the computer.

"Everybody dies some time in their life and I guess now is your time. I didn't want to believe it myself. I wished that I was seeing things but after my analysis, this is the conclusion that I have come to. I'm sorry Raph, but you have Leukemia." Don starting typing on the computer.

"So now, I just die then? Isn't there anything I can do? You're a genius, so cure me." Don's fingers stopped moving and the echo of clicking noises ceased.

"I...I don't know if I can. I can try, but I can't promise anything. I'm afraid things don't look good. I'm sorry."

"Shit" Raph whispered. The anger and frustration began to build and Raph yelled out "Fuck!" Nothing was safe in the path of Hurricane Raph. Raph knocked over some things as he stormed out of Don's lab and out of the lair. There were no deaf ears in the lair and everyone was awakened from their light slumber. Don slammed his head down on the desk, his arms cradling his now sore head. "Damn it" he mumbled as few tears spilled from his eyes, down his cheeks, and moistened the tabletop.

Leo may have been lying in his bed but he was not asleep. Sleep had been eluding him that night. He heard Don's arrival and then Raph's grand entrance. He could only hear bits and pieces of the conversation that went on between Don and Raph. He wasn't sure what Raph had but he knew it was serious. Leo had gotten himself out of bed and wandered over to the sounds of the commotion that had rocked the once quiet lair. A few seconds later, the other occupants of the lair, absent Raph and Don, had gathered to along side Leo to see what that matter was. Raph was already gone. He had stormed off in a blind rage.

Mike looked nervous and upset. He didn't understand the situation at all. All he knew was that Don told Raph about whatever it was that he had known and the news was not taken well at all. Splinter sadly glanced at his two sons. He had sensed that something was deeply wrong. The argument had verified his worry and he now understood what all the chaos was all about. Leo looked to Splinter with question in his eyes, wanting answers that he knew the sensei could sense. Before Leo had a chance to speak, Splinter placed a furry hand on his shoulder in way of comfort. This affectionate gesture made Leo lose his words. 

At that moment Mike gasped "Donnie". All eyes turned to the grief stricken brother. Don looked spaced out as if he was in another world. His gaze went right through the group and towards the exit. He sighed and vaguely looked around him, becoming aware of those who surrounded him.

"I guess he left..." Don quietly stated.

"Are you okay, bro?" Mike asked, concerned for his other brother now.

"No, I...I'm sorry everybody." Don replied quietly sighing and placed a hand over his face. 

"So, it's true then?" Mike asked of Don.

"Yes...it seems that our brother has cancer. Leukemia to be exact." With that said Don turned around and began walking away. No one could find any words and belief was hard to come by. Mike was on the verge of tears. Leo didn't know what to say or what to think. He wanted to confirm what he heard and he wanted answers from Don. Splinter shook his head at Leo, knowing exactly what thoughts had been running through his head.

"Please, leave him be for now. Everybody needs to rest now so I think it is time we all go back to bed." Leo hesitated again. "And don't worry about Raphael, he will come back eventually. He needs some time alone to work things out." Splinter continued. Mike wasn't so sure about leaving either turtles alone. His instincts told him that both turtles needed comforting but if Splinter said it would be all right then Mikey would wait until morning.

* * *

Raph had found a spot for solitude. Oddly enough if was the same rooftop that Don had been atop earlier that night. The stars above had learned many secrets this night. Raph had been angry when he left the lair. It was usual for him to break things or skulls over anything that upset him but after awhile it left him. Now he just felt sorrow and loneliness. He clinched a tight, bloodied fist at the sky in frustration of this unbearable helplessness he felt.

"Why me?" he asked. "Why does that have to happen to me?" Raph didn't realize quite yet but he was afraid of death.

* * *

Morning had finally raised it sleepy head and a new day had begun. Mike had trouble sleeping that night until Klunk had decided sleeping on top of Mikey would be a good thing. Klunk's warmth comforted Mike to sleep. Now it was morning and Mike had gotten up. Leo and Splinter were not in immediate sight and Don's light was still on. Mike quietly peeked in on his brother and found that he had fallen asleep on a pile of papers near his computer. Who knew how late he'd been up? Mike quietly closed the door and proceeded to the kitchen. Klunk began following him, constantly meowing. Mike was in a daze and didn't even notice the meowing for a while as Klunk begged for attention. Mike finally took note of Klunk and the way that cat kept trying to lead him to the kitty food bowl, it dawned on Mike that the kitty wanted food. It really became obvious when the cat started moving the bowl with its cute little nose. So the mutant turtle slave got the kitty some food then started on breakfast for the rest of the creatures of the house. Speaking of creatures, one of them had finally returned to the lair. Leo had been waiting in the dark den for him all night.

"So, you finally came back, huh?" Leo asked quietly.

"Yeah." Raph answered tiredly. They just stared at each for a while. Leo had no idea what to say.

"Yeah, so what is it? Knowing you, you've probably been waiting in the same spot all night for me to come home. So say what it is that you wanted to say to me then just leave me the hell alone."

"I really didn't know what to say. I was just worried about you, is all." Raph took one look at his brother and got angry.

"Don't give me that look like you feel sorry for me or I'm a freak! Yeah, I'm gonna die but I don't need your damn pity!"

"Raph, please don't say that. You know that's not true."

"Yeah, whatever. You won't have me to argue with much longer." Raph walked past Leo to get some much-needed sleep.

The smell of pancakes filled the lair but not a soul felt like eating even though all of them really needed food supplementation.

* * *

Mmmm…pancakes…Well that's the end of chapter 5. I hope you all enjoyed it. It didn't take me very long to get this done so the quality may not be the best. I have a confession to make: I've had this done for a few months now but forgot to post it, sorry..hee hee. I hope to get chapter 6 up a lot sooner than I got chapter 5 out. I thought it to be a bit depressing but I'm planning for chapter 6 to be more lighthearted if I can remember what I had planned for it. Mandy scratches her head.

Sayonara!


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